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CHAPTER 33
ARE YOU OR IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE AN ALCOHOLIC?
HOW TO TELL AND WHAT TO DO
It’s time to get personal. Most likely, you are reading this book because of your interest in alcoholism from an intimate perspective. Perhaps you suspect that you are living with an alcoholic or maybe you know that you have a problem but don’t know what to do. Good for you and for having the courage to look for help! The good news is that 30% of alcoholics stay sober forever. But, in order to do so, you or your loved one has to realize and accept that there is a problem, and make the commitment to change.
Are you an alcoholic? You already know, whether or not you will admit it. It’s a very difficult thing to say. That’s why the A.A. route may not, initially, be for everyone. It wasn’t for me. To stand up in front of a group of people and say, “My name’s Jeff and I’m an alcoholic” was something I was not able to do at first. Was it pride? No. It was shame. I was raised in an environment that equated actions with value. If you did something bad, you were a bad person. My behavior and actions growing up were controlled and shaped by shame and guilt. It has taken decades of reading, prayer, and personal growth to come to the awareness that good people can do bad things and still remain good people. We are all human and at times subject to human weakness. We are individually and collectively capable of messing up and we do so quite regularly. It doesn’t change our essential goodness but it does require that we acknowledge our actions, are sincerely sorry for them and work to avoid similar mistakes in the future. We must believe in forgiveness for ourselves and we need to practice it with others. Truly forgiven, we are free from the burden of our mistakes and from the shame and guilt that attend them. This simple awareness has been so liberating that it has changed my life. But, it didn’t change me enough in the beginning to want to proclaim my sins in front of a group of strangers. I had to find another way. This maybe true as well for you or your loved one.
Back to the question. Are you an alcoholic? Although you already know, often it is on a subconscious level. You may not be aware yet on a conscious level. You may need some prodding.
Let’s start with the conventional criteria. Answer “yes” or “no” to the following:
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